A Danger of Doing Too Much Personal Development Work (or of Being One of Those “Really Positive” People)

Every so often in our work at MindFix we come across a person we’ll (lovingly) call a “Rainbower.”

People who Rainbow (as a verb) are often extremely pleasant to be around, and often appear to be doing amazingly on the outside:

They’re usually always positive.

They typically reframe events to be in their best interest.

They’ve often done years of personal development work and have learned to see things in a positive light.

When facing difficulties, they say things like, “Yes, XYZ happened… but I know it happened FOR me so it’s totally fine!”

They’re often looked up to for being “strong” and “always positive”.

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And yet, on the inside, we see Rainbowers struggling in ways that others do not.

You see, true Rainbowers repress and suppress.

They CAN’T say anything negative.

They CAN’T bring themselves to share a difficulty without painting a pretty picture over the top of it.

They CAN’T talk about a challenge without reframing it, usually instantly, into something that is going to be amazing for them.

If you ask them about what challenges they’re facing, they’ll answer you with all the great things going on in their lives.

It’s as if they have a program running in the back of their heads saying “I *CANNOT* SAY OR FEEL ANYTHING NEGATIVE”.

And these people often hurt just as much if not more than all the rest of us inside.

Oftentimes, when an occasional crack in their dam appears, (and before they quickly plug it), they’ll confess they struggle with suicidal ideations, feeling numb, daydreaming about not living, or experiencing brain fog or severe lack of motivation.

Rainbowers typically struggle to admit that they’re struggling with anything.

This means they’re often out of touch and numb to what doesn’t feel right in their worlds, what bothers them, what’s hurting them, and how they ACTUALLY feel.

Without knowing what hurts, you can’t help or heal a wound.

If you don’t have awareness of and can’t admit you’re hurt by…

  • the way your spouse treats you…
  • your continued procrastination…
  • the way others talk about you…
  • your fear related to intimacy…

…then there’s nothing to explore, correct, improve, or work on, is there?

Awareness and honesty are required to heal.

They’re the first steps, and Rainbowers struggle to experience them.

“Nothing to see here!” they exclaim.

“Alllllllllllllll good!!!

Now, there is a difference between positivity and Rainbowing.

Rainbowers live in denial, and their ACTUAL feelings and experiences get denied and pushed down into their bodies, which often hold extra weight, scream out in pain, or betray them as their burdens increase over time.

There are specific ways to work with Rainbowers to help them see that honesty and awareness and pain and challenges are not bad things — they are part of life.

Do you have any Rainbowers in your life?

Have you ever sensed the reservoir of pain they’re disconnected from?

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