DON’T look for the blocks causing you to get in your own way

Weird advice from someone who removes them for her clients every week, perhaps. But read on to discover what to look for instead — today I share the one thing to look for that’ll give you WAY more bang for your buck.

A while back, a FB friend asked:

“How do I know if I’ve got “blocks” holding me back + how do I look for them?”

Oooooooooooooh, great question.

(In fact, it’s inspired me to build out a “Blind Spot Finder” for clients later this year.)

My answer: We all have ’em, and I recommend you DON’T look for ’em.

Yes. I said it.

DON’T LOOK TO FIGURE OUT THE BLOCKS THAT ARE HOLDING YOU BACK.

They’re tricky to figure out.
You may guess them right.
You very well may NOT.
In fact, your mind may be hiding them from you.  🙂

Here’s what to look for *instead*:

LOOK FOR *PATTERNS* YOU REPEAT 
THAT ARE COSTING YOU IN…
FRUSTRATION, 
WASTED TIME, 
ENERGY, OR 
MONEY. 

Why?

Because patterns are the *symptoms* you experience when you’re getting in your own way and have “blocks” holding you back. 

• Patterns are easily observable.
• They’re trackable as they change.
• They’re what are having specific, measurable impacts on your life.

And so, *patterns* are the starting point that help you figure out what’s going on underneath.

SO HOW DO YOU KNOW IF YOU HAVE PATTERNS?

Patterns come in 2 flavors:

• emotional
• behavioral

EMOTIONAL PATTERNS that hold us back often look like ongoing or triggered emotions we can’t seem to stop (like getting angry at a spouse *every time* they tell us what to do or experiencing anxiety *every time* clients email us billing-related questions — these patterns can derail us completely for hours or days).

BEHAVIORAL PATTERNS that hold us back are typically either compulsive actions we can’t seem to stop taking (like quadruple-checking our work even when we know it’s not necessary….. or saying unnecessarily harsh things to our employees every time they make mistakes) …… or……….. they’re the ABSENCE of actions we want to take but can’t bring ourselves to (like avoiding difficult conversations, severe procrastination any time a project involves being on video, etc.)

Patterns come in all shapes and sizes. The constant is that they repeat over and over and over + are COSTING you something (money, pain, frustration, energy, etc.) 

Here are some example patterns that cost our clients hundreds of thousands of dollars each year….

• conflict avoidance (behavioral)
• fear of rejection (emotional)
• procrastination (behavioral)
• anxiety associated with criticism (emotional)
• perfectionism (behavioral)
• inability to set boundaries (behavioral)
• chronic avoidance of difficult conversations (behavioral)
• constant worry about being a fraud/fake (emotional)

THE 3 MAGIC WAND QUESTIONS

If you’re ready to uncover some of the patterns holding you back, ask yourself the 3 Magic Wand Questions to get you going: 

If I had a magic wand and could make anything go away…

1. What do I DO regularly that I’d wish myself to stop?
2. What do I FEEL too regularly that I’d wish to no longer feel?
3. What do I EXPERIENCE regularly that I would wish to no longer experience?

The questions above allow us to become more aware of the PATTERNS we experience with regularity that are slowing us down and negatively impacting the quality of our lives.

(I’m not here to get into arguments about whether or not it’s okay to feel feelings or if it’s normal to experience certain emotions: we’re humans and we experience all things: from sadness to anger to frustration to anxiety. Those things aren’t going away and I’m not suggesting they ever will. We’re looking for ongoing roadblocks here.)

IN A NUTSHELL:

Don’t spin yourself in circles wondering if you have mental blocks or mindset issues holding you back. 

Start at square #1 and get clarity on the PATTERNS in your life that are COSTING you. These patterns can be addressed only after you’ve shone a light on them and have awareness.

That’s the first step.

And it doesn’t need to take a long time. (How cool is that…?)