Recently, two friends of mine broke through long-term blocks that’d been keeping them stuck for YEARS.
The “magic” question that allowed them to do it was simple.
Its power lay in how it got them to explore the hidden (well, hidden to them) perceived negatives of getting exactly what they wanted.
Here’s the question:
“What would happen to you if you ACTUALLY experienced the change you keep saying you want?”
^^^ Their answers to this question uncovered the blocks preventing each friend from moving forward.
Let’s look at their 2 stories.
This friend has been an ANGRY human most of his life.
In fact, he admitted a while back that he operated ~75% of the time from a place of deep anger.
For years he’d wanted to get away from operating this way, especially since he made the transition to a career as an empowerment coach.
The trick was, despite WANTING to move away from anger, NOTHING he seemed to do allowed him to kick this seemingly-permanent way of being.
Then, one conversation last week helped to finally shift this.
I looked him in the eyes one night and asked him:
“What might happen to you if you were no longer angry?”
His eyes got big. Fear crept in. And within a few minutes we had a list of 7 things he feared would happen to him
if he no longer operated from anger.
A few items on his list included:
These fears were his BLOCKS.
He was secretly thinking these things would happen if he lost his anger, so of COURSE a large part of him had been resisting him trying to move away from being angry all the time.
Each answer he came up with was a rock-solid reason for him to resist and BLOCK change.
Each of his 7 answers was a strong reason for him to STAY angry.
It took us about 20 minutes to explore his answers and for him to realize none of them held weight — and that he could still be HIM (and, in fact, a more powerful version of himself) without his anger.
Once we talked through these blocks, he was able to revisit clearing out his anger later in the week. Then, this last week, he left his permanent-angry-person identity behind–for good.
This friend has long wondered why no coaching, no therapy, and no change modality had worked for him throughout his life.
We had a conversation last week during which I dug into his hidden fears and explored what he thought might actually happen if a treatment or modality actually DID work for him.
We uncovered a deep, hidden fear:
If something worked for him, it would mean he’d have to give up complete and total control. And to him, giving up control meant he would be out of control. And if he ever lost control — it would mean he’d be no different than his mother, who hurt people when she lost control when he was a child.
So, if he allowed something to work for him…. deep down he feared he would hurt people.
So of course he couldn’t allow change to happen.
It made sense.
Looking at THAT first was required to allow him to finally change.
How to use this insight for yourself:
If you’re running into resistance or blocks when it comes to change or transformation, even if you want to change and grow with all your might, it’s possible you have hidden fears about what MIGHT happen if you ACTUALLY get what you want.
If you take some time to journal or have a friend help you explore these fears, it’s possible you’ll uncover the exact hidden reasons you’ve been stuck for so long.
And only when you uncover your hidden fears can you actually dissolve them.
When you're tired of getting in your own way, and you know you're capable of SO much more, it's time to talk to us.