We’re More Than Our Bad Decisions, and Mistakes.

It’s December. It’s cold. And I’m in a concrete room with no windows flanked by 2 security guards who have no clue what to do with me.

There I was, compulsively rocking back and forth like one of those possessed dolls in a horror flick, atop a broken plastic chair, beneath 2 flickering fluorescent lights, in the basement of the Seattle REI.

Hunched over.
Hands covering my ears.
Eyes shut tight while I’m bawling and chanting to myself:

“I’M SO AWFUL.
I AM A FUCK UP.
I’M SO AWFUL.
I AM A FUCK UP.”

I was 17.
And I’d just shoplifted 2 hats.

I’d passed through the exit doors without the security buzzers going off, so I thought I’d made it out without getting caught.

But then, not 10 feet from the safety of my car in the REI garage, I felt the lightning bolt of fear surge down my spine when I heard someone shout “Ma’am, I’m afraid you’re gonna have to come with us…”

—-

After listening to my chanting and crying for 10+ minutes, Security Guard #1 kneeled down next to me.

Put his hand on my shoulder until I squinted over at him.

Looked at me and said,

“Listen here young lady. Sometimes good people do bad things. Just because you stole these hats doesn’t MEAN you’re an awful person.”

And that….

….hit me like a ton of bricks.

????????????????????

Shameful labeling of ourselves (“I *AM* ______) after instances during which we don’t act like our best selves is not only ridiculous, it’s TOXIC to our well-being and success.

Same is true when it comes to observing, then labeling others.

????????????????????

Just because a person does something doesn’t mean they deserve a permanent sticky label of “being that kind of person”.

THAT is the distinction I’d never made.

THAT is the distinction MOST PEOPLE don’t make (take 3 minutes to scroll through Facebook and have a soak in the mass name-calling if you don’t believe me….)

THAT is the distinction that stops healthy, happy human beings from punishing themselves whenever they goof up.

▶️ Good people can do bad things.

▶️ Good drivers can speed sometimes.

▶️ Kind people can spit spiteful comments that hurt feelings.

▶️ Brilliant business people can make big mistakes and experience massive failures.

It wasn’t until I began working with my MindFix clients did I come to realize it’s a distinction SO MANY of us never truly get:

???? We’re more than our goof-ups, bad decisions, and mistakes.

???? We’re WHAT WE LEARN FROM our goof-ups, bad decisions, and mistakes.

Had the security guard at REI that day said “Yes, Erin, you ARE a bad person, that only would’ve served to deepen my sense of being a bad person, as my identity. It would’ve shut down more possibilities. Darkened the lens I saw myself with. Set me up to keep acting in “bad” ways (since that’s who I WAS, after all…)

Fortunately, he didn’t say that.

And I never forgot that lesson.

???? Your prompt to be a wee-bit more self-aware for today: ????

Observe the LABELING you engage in (of yourself or others).

How does it make you feel? Does it TRULY make you a BETTER person in the long run or help you succeed? Does it open up possibilities for you and others….or shut them down?