Why the People Who Want to Change the Most Often Have the Hardest Time Changing

Some people want to change, or heal, or get better, or improve SO badly they try and invest in EVERYTHING.

They take the courses, read the books, visit all the professionals, sign up for all the seminars.

They bounce from tactic to tactic to tactic, investing their time and money into things that appear to work damn well for others but nothing seems to work for THEM.

We worked with one of these very people recently.

No form of help had seemed to work for her since the day a guidance counselor “read her” wrong in high school.

She’s tried it all over the years.

The therapy. The coaching. The spiritual work. The somatic work. The psychadelic therapy. Moving to a new state, new cities. Trying different vocations. Taking various assessments.

She still feels lost, aimless, and like (deep down) she simply doesn’t matter here on this planet.

We sat with her and discovered a number of old stories she’d been holding onto.

She showed up to her call already looking dejected.

After a significant amount of my mental probing, she took a deep sigh and finally said, “Look, nothing works for me.”

BOOM.

There it was.

There was the filter through which every appointment, book, and session of hers was getting processed through.

I probed deeper and found that many things she’d tried actually HAD worked, but she would end up discounting them, explaining them away, or insisting things would revert back after some time.

Whatever situation you walk into, if your mind is adamant that nothing can or will or has ever worked for you — it will change what you see and experience.

Improvements will be ignored.

Progress will be explained way.

Changes will go unnoticed.

Gains will be seen as temporary.

“Nothing works for me.”

“Change must be difficult.”

“I can’t be helped.”

“I’m broken.”

^^^^ People who are convinced of these things often find it challenging to see the changes they experience, because part of them resists it and can’t believe it’s actually happening when it does.

We’ve watched past clients with these convictions share how their patterns of fear, anxiety, doubt, or worry have disappeared… only to then INSIST it’ll be temporary or it’s a fluke.

People who are already convinced that nothing works for them (which is a way of thinking typically developed over time after MANY attempts at getting help hasn’t worked) can get locked into vicious cycles of WANTING help but showing up to new modalities already feeling like, deep down, it won’t POSSIBLY work for them.

I know it.

I know it because I lived it myself. Three years of being bounced around between medical doctors who didn’t know what to do with me did the trick.

The power of these convictions is exactly why we often need to begin transformational work by examining our relationships to change and how we feel about whether anything can work for us or not.

And this is exactly what I did with the woman mentioned above.

After further exploration, we discovered she believed he was unique and special, and therefore nothing could possibly help her.

We cleared that way of thinking + feeling out, completely, in her session as a first step together.

And guess what?

For the first time in a long, long time — her low-level, constant feeling of permanent defeat has been replaced by genuine hope and excitement.

She now understands change CAN be possible for her.

It was possible all along, but now she can FEEL it.

Do you TRULY believe you can change?

Or do you secretly feel, deep down inside, that you’re broken, and that nothing can actually help you?

What if…just possibly…your thoughts about change and help are influencing the results you’re experiencing in your life?

In working with hundreds of people and seeing the constant correlation, I’d like to suggest that if nothing seems to work for you it’s quite possible that some old outdated programming and belief structures could be holding you back.

(And for those who have worked on clearing the programming without movement, it’s possible the nervous system must be addressed first so the needle can move.)

Staying stuck isn’t required. You need to explore what’s possible for you.